VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
