i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
its liver damage thursday
Randomize