u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
