It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
