he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
