if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So squirting runs in the family.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
