I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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