I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
