Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
