if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
