It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
