This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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