I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize