If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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