I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
