omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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