I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
