You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
