Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize