i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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