so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
