you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
