That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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