He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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