bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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