i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
