There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im holly from the hills drunk
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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