she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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