is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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