Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize