the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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