Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's on the porch naked. Help.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
