Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i would punch a child for taco bell
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
