He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
