Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
not ubering you a puppy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i think i just lost a toe
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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