Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
