next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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