Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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