i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
