so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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