She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
