oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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