And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
