You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love you. Go after that dick
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
