I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
