im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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