He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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