THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
