omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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