Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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