he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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