When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
