At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
