i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
