I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
