I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize