The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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