That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
