Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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