I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
