Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
