i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize