I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
