Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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