I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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