How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
