he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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