I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
