I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
