i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
