Need sex. Gaining weight.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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