if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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