I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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