Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
