How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
