Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
