After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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