he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we made out on top of his cat.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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