My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You pole danced in your parka.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
