In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
is wine microwaveable?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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