fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
