and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
