you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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