We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
