you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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