i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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